Love is an act of war… It infiltrates our bodies, it conquers our mind beyond every logic or reason. It doesn’t show mercy or tries to prevent collateral damage. And finally, true love is an act of total surrender. Like war, love is only sweet to those who haven’t experienced it.
Love comes in many shapes and forms. To me, the unrestrained love towards my family has always been natural, like breathing. Blood is thicker than water and I could not think of any scenario that could shatter the deep connection I feel towards them.
An entirely different story is romantic love. Romantic love is a thankful object for countless marketing campaigns, songs, movies and a booming dating industry. We are all seeking to find that one perfect partner, our second half, our soulmate, our best friend, someone that shares our interests and ambitions, that we can grow old with, but that always knows how to keep it fun and sexy, that one person we can share our avocado toast in the most instagrammable manner possible, our one true love.
All fun and games, until reality kicks in. Our instagram society conditions us to live in constant terror that we might settle for second best. That possibly, the perfect fit is right around the corner and only a few clicks away. We are waiting for that one person that will survive our extensive checklist. But we completely forgot, to define what perfect means. Searching for inspiration in Hollywood movies? Darling, that genre should not be called romantic comedy, what you are watching is science fiction.
Love doesn’t make the world go around. And it is easy and carefree to be single. We are playing games. No one truly knows the rules, but we are texting and texting back (or we don’t – please always pay attention to find an adequate temporal distance, so you never seem too interested or – god forbid – desperate, but still keep your prey close enough to you.) A few years pass, the thrill of dating fades, it becomes routine and as an outcome we are emotionally dulled. We simply cannot classify our emotions anymore, or worst case we turn cold and have unlearned to feel at all. On our hunt for the one true love we have seen it all. But we have completely forgotten that love is not solely about entertainment. It is about deep connection, loyalty, common values, responsibility, shared memories, friendship, sex, attachment, forgiveness. The things, that will not fade when hormones and chemistry are long gone.
The opposite of love isn’t hate, its indifference. And lately I have sensed a lot of indifference around me. We are tending to “try“ and then its simply “hasn’t been enough“. But enough of what? The illusion of what our real love should have been, has not been fulfilled. We are looking for the “right“ person, but none of us is willing to invest the work to make things right. Expecting that with that “right“ person, everything will feel different…. well, to say the least, bad expectation management!
Yes, love doesn’t make the world go around, but it is among the few rare things that make the ride worthwhile.
I have been once told, that love is always selfish. That we only seek to be in relationships to secure that we won’t be alone, to compensate the emptiness we occasionally feel, that nothing is forever, that ultimately we are on our own. I disagree. If you truly love, your happiness becomes equally important to the happiness of your partner. And fostering and protecting your loved one, will become not only your highest priority, but your only option. In other words, an endless cycle of forgiveness, while giving up the right to hurt back. But true love sets us free, you find your home, your haven in another human being. Around a person that you truly love, you can be yourself, with all the flaws and imperfections. Your partner will make you feel more aware, alive, will remove the mask we all wear everyday, will make you laugh and bring relief into your life.
Love doesn’t happen solely by coincidence or destiny. It is always a decision. It is a commitment.
My mother once told me that in any relationship one loves more than the other. And that I always should be in the position where I feel less. I cannot share that view. I don’t want to live my life never completely let my guard down. I embrace the highs and the lows. I want to invest every fibre into a relationship. And I don’t care if that isn’t #couplegoals.
I don’t believe that true love is glamorous. Life can be cruel and unfair, I think if you once experienced that, your perspective changes. True love makes the world beautiful, it makes us appreciate things, it takes us closer to the true nature of our being, it gives us confidence, it gives us hope and inspiration, it doesn’t trick or betrays, it is indifferent towards superficiality. It does not know ego. It never plays games. True love might not always be peaceful, but it doesn’t know defeat, it doesn’t distinguish between age, gender or race. It isn’t impressed by distance, absence or convention. At times it will leave you puzzled, but it is the only source of true stability.
True love is pure. And that is the only thing I will settle for.