Fuckboys and relationships

Yes, I did it. I wrote FUCKBOY as a title of a blog post. And just an introductory remark – boy is not related to age, race, education, relationship status or income levels.

And yes, I know that this is sexist. We are considering heterosexual men cheating and lying their way though life and what do they need for that? Right, Women! And chances are not too bad that at least some of them are doing the very same thing.

Countless studies have scientifically proven that men do cheat more regularly than women. There are studies suggesting than men tend to cheat shortly before round birthdays, that women are more likely to cheat if they feel neglected in their relationships and that men are more likely to cheat on their women if they are the bread-winner of the family. There even is a study published through the American Society of Microbiology than men as well as male scientific researchers tend to cheat more during studies.

Reasons are diverse: Boredom, insecurity, hidden fantasies, the wish to “man up“, the illusion of variety, immaturity, wish for revenge, emotional distance, a feeling of being above the law, the urge to climb up the social latter or the fuckboy phenomenon.

A fuckboy is the modern version of a womanizer, somebody engaging in short-term sexual relationships without the intention or capability of having a real relationship. Or more casual – they want the advantages of having a girlfriend without taking the responsibility for what comes along with it.

To define this term is not easy, it has been around for decades, (f.e. in a prison environment a fuckboy is referred to a man having sex for payment) but the exact definition does not matter in this case and I sure you all get the vibe that comes along with that term or had the pleasure to experience it first-hand.

Signs that you are dealing with this type of gentlemen are, that he is claiming that he does not like to put a label on things and therefore cannot commit to your relationship. He prefers to meet you not in public or at least not at places where he could meet his friends (which you will never meet), he is constantly texting, all his ex-girlfriends are “crazy“, he invites you over to watch netflix (please…) and worse he is the kind of person that makes judgmental comments on your appearance, outfit and generally feels comfortable by judging women solely on looks.

Fuckboys, Tinder, Supe … these things sometimes make me loose faith if it is still possible to build a stable relationship nowadays. Maybe we have just forgotten or never learned that feelings and emotions, contrary to hormones take patience to evolve. And evolving is not possible over meaningless small talk over our phones. One characteristic of a fuckboy is being emotionally unavailable, maybe even cold. But isn’t it the case that most of us have to admit that we want to hear beautiful promises and a deep connection without the constant work and that we simply cannot have the benefits without the risk, we cannot be connected without displaying feelings.

And to open up ones emotion is a risk. It hurts a lot more if you not decided to keep it casual from the outset.  We are afraid to lift the Instagram filter and display our imperfections and at the same time we have been conditioned to think that we deserve love. We are going on dates and browse the internet on the look for our soulmate, the love of our life without intending to make a commitment. But you cannot demand something that is not in demand. There is no app for love.

Love is more than sexual energy, it is deeper than physical attraction. Hormone fades, what stays is a partnership, ignoring or loving the flaws of your partner, motivate and energize each other, not needing to publicly proof the relationship. That is real #couplegoals to me.

There is a beautiful quote of the Greek philosopher Plato.

Humans were originally created with two heads, four arms, four legs, and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate beings, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other half.

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